While on vacation at Temptation Cancun we met a couple from Houston who completely changed our perspective on costuming for sex parties. They went all out with their costumes — sometimes with the dude wearing nothing more than a well-placed sheath and a Zorro mask. We complimented them on it, and they explained their strategy:
“She dresses me like this so that I attract people to us,” he said with a laugh.
I actually started talking with them a couple of nights before by pointing out something about his costume. We all ended up having sex that night, then two more times during the course of our stay — including a four couple orgy. If it wasn’t for his costume attracting my attention there’s a good chance that all of our sexy fun wouldn’t have happened. Apparently, his costume did its job.
After that experience, my wife and I decided try going all-in on our costuming for swingers parties.
Up until that point, she’d just get dressed in sexy lingerie and maybe a short black leather skirt and I’d wear … a tight black t-shirt and some black skinny jeans. I wasn’t much for costumes, you could say. Or perhaps I was just too embarrassed to wear one, didn’t know what to wear, or felt that they weren’t manly enough or something. Men are sometimes tripped up by their masculinity and taking themselves too seriously, and I fell into this pitfall.
Many men in the swinger community seem to feel the same as I felt, and it’s not uncommon to be at a party full of women in ultra-erotic, sexy costumes and dudes wearing … lumberjack shirts and blue jeans or even sweatsuits (seriously). The dudes may think they’re maintaining face but in reality they are kind of ostracizing themselves … or at the very least not drawing people towards them.
Guests not in costume also disrupts the feel of a party. Sex parties aren’t only to have sex — you could just rent out a hotel room and invite some people from SLS over if this was all you wanted — but are also about creating these alternate universes that seem completely removed from the outside world. When you step into a good erotic club it’s like crossing a gateway into this other domain that has its own rules, practices, and possibilities … and a dress code is a big factor in creating this. Nearly every traditional or primitive culture uses / has used costuming in a similar way. There is just something buried in the human psyche that switches gears when in an environment where people are costumed in a particular way.
In other words, to be too cool for a costume is to break the illusion for everyone …
What we usually go for is a cross between funny and sexy, while trying to get our costumes to thematically match. For a space themed party we went as Buzz Lightyear and some cute thing from pizza planet. For a beach themed party we went as a lifeguard and a shark bite victim. For a nautical themed party we went as pirates…
The matching here is particularly important. When at parties, my wife and I go together. We’re a team. So it makes sense that we should be dressed in the same uniform. But matching our costumes also give us another opportunity for little storylines or humor. For example, for one party I dressed as a construction worker and my wife dressed as a road … so I could lay her.
Another benefit of costuming for swinger’s parties is that they’re just fun. They give you something to prepare and shop for with your partner. They give you something to talk about together. They help build the excitement leading up to an event.
We usually find our costumes on Amazon or Shein and basically just do a search for “[Party theme] sexy costume” or something similar. I’ve gotten multiple costumes from Roma. Every once in a while we go to a good sex shop and check out their costume section or to browse for additional accessories.
When it comes to mating — which is what swinging is a sporting mock-up of — standing out is far better than blending in. And costumes give you the perfect opportunity to do this. A good costume will draw people towards you, be a good conversation starter, and help you break the ice with couples you may want to head to a play room with. So don’t be afraid to go all-in with your costume — the more revealing, funny, sexy, the better.