Have you ever fantasized about having a threesome? You’re not alone. Statistically speaking, most Americans have. What’s more, many have actually done them before, and an ever-growing number has made the threesome a regular part of their sexual repertoire.
A 2017, Match.com survey found that 62% of single Americans (81% of men and 47% of women) were interested in having a threesome with two people of the opposite sex and 39% were interested in one where someone was of the same sex. While Justin Lehmiller did two surveys where nearly a third of the respondents claimed to have had a threesome before. This number is higher than that a research paper published in PLOS One, which found that 10% of women and 18% of men in the US had experienced a threesome. Whatever the case, it is clear that group sex is no longer an underground sexual endeavor — the threesome has gone mainstream.
For many couples, a threesome is their first foray into non-monogamy. While my wife and I first started swinging by having sex with other people on our own, our first experiences with group sex together was with an additional dude (a setup that’s probably still my wife’s favorite today).
When I refer to threesomes here, I’m talking about scenes where all three participants are actively involved. I’m not talking about cuckolding or cuckqueaning, where one participant just watches — we’ll talk about that later.
Types of threesomes
There are multiple types of multi-gender threesomes (MGT), and they are often denoted with acronyms like MFM, FFM, FMF, MMF, with the middle letter being the fluid party.
However, while we have these acronyms outlining threesome positioning, you probably shouldn’t put much weight on them, as in the real world people often don’t use them properly and aren’t hemmed in by them even when they do. Acronyms shouldn’t take the place of clear communication, and you should still express what you want and what your limits are to ensure you’re going to have the experience you’re looking for.
To someone unfamiliar with MGT, it may seem remarkable how hetero they can be. In practice, they can be either bi or hetero, with the latter working by having two participants rotating around the third without sexually engaging each other. This is actually extremely common for MFM threesomes, where bi play is a little more stigmatized.
That said, use your imagination with threesomes, as the potential positioning for them is nearly endless.
MFM
MFM is one of the most common types of threesomes, and it features a woman in the middle who is engaged (i.e. penetrated) concurrently by two dudes. Anatomically, this setup works extremely well, and my wife and I do these often.
Variations of the spitroast is probably the go-to position for a hetero MFM, with one dude inserted in the woman’s vagina or ass while the other is in her mouth. This can be done with the woman on her knees, back, or side. While the terminology for this position makes my wife cringe, it’s by far her favorite.
Another common MFM position is DVP (double vaginal penetration), which features two men inserting their cocks into a woman’s vagina at the same time. These usually happen with the woman straddling one of the guys cowgirl and the other guy coming up from behind. This can also be done reverse cowgirl, where she leans back and the third guy enters her vagina from the front.
In either scenario, one guy will usually enter first and then the other will slowly ride his cock in as he penetrates. Or the girl will grab both cocks, squeeze them together, and insert them at the same time.
This is probably my favorite threesome position, as you are not only stimulated by an ultra-stretched vagina but also the other dude’s cock.
DP (double penetration) is where one guy is in the woman’s vagina and the other is in her ass. The positioning is usually the same as a DVP, although this can also be done with the girl laying on her side (like in the movie Doom Generation). I believe this works best when the anal partner inserts first. One important thing to know about DP is that the cocks should be moving in opposition to each other — so one is thrusting in while other is pulling out — as if they are moving in unison the chances of slipping our are greater (and I’ve also been told that it’s a little too intense for the woman, but can’t confirm this).
FMF
FMF is another very popular form of threesome. An FMF is similar to an MFM, only with two women rather than two men. Common positions are a double blow job or double cowgirl, where one girl rides the dude’s cock while the other fucks his face.
MMF
An MMF is usually with two bi-dudes and a woman. A doggy train, where one dude penetrates the other from behind as he penetrates the girl doggystyle, is a good position to try for this setup. A is the human centipede, where everyone lines up on their knees and gives analigus to the person in front of them. Many of the positions for MFM also apply here.
FFM
FFM is usually a threesome with two bi-women and a dude. Some good positions for this setup are:
The oral triangle, where all three participants go down on each other concurrently in the shape of a triangle. This can also be done for all threesome setups.
A 69 + 1, where the two women do a 69 with one on top of the other and the dude penetrates the top partner vaginally or anally.
One girl being fucked from behind while she goes down on the other girl.
Or one girl wearing a strap on and doing the positions of an MFM or MMF.
Again, don’t get hung up on the positioning of the letters in the acronym and communicate what you want and your limits. Sometimes hetero couples who are not looking for bi play will use MMF or FFM and bi couples who would like everyone to engage each other will use MFM and FMF. The acronyms shouldn’t be thought of anything more than a rough starting point … or props for discussing the various types of threesomes.
Threesomes – a good place to start
If you and your partner are thinking of becoming non-monogamous, a threesome is probably the best place to start. It allows you to get comfortable with multiple people in the bedroom, seeing your partner with another person, and processing the emotions that come with swinging. Threesomes are pretty low stakes endeavors — only one additional person is involved, they are relatively easy to arrange, and the vetting process is usually far simpler than meeting another couple for a foursome or having an orgy.
Threesomes also allow you to move into swinging gradually so you can start developing your strategy one step at a time. There’s a lot that goes into being non-monogamous, and it’s not really something that most couples can jump into and be good at right away. It’s going to take time, you’re going to make mistakes, you are going to try new things and figure out what you like and what you don’t. There’s a lot of communication that’s involved, a lot of decision making on the fly, and a lot of trying out new ways to reconnect with each other after extracurricular forays. But all of this takes practice, and threesomes are a good way to begin stepping into these waters.
How to arrange a threesome
There are myraid ways to arrange a threesome, but the main ways are using an app / website, going to a swinger’s club, prowling at a bar / conventional club, or bringing in someone you already know.
Apps
The number of apps that are now available for finding partners for threesomes really shows how they’re exploding in popularity. There’s literally dozens of them — so many that it’s actually become kind of ridiculous. There’s Feeld, 3Some, 3Fun, 3rder, 3Somer, HUD, #Open, Pure, SLS, SDC, Swinger … While I am a steadfast group sex advocate, I must admit that this many apps is overkill — especially as most of them don’t really have any users.
The best part about meeting people via group sex apps is that everyone is on the same page from the start — everyone is there for just about the same thing. So you can jump right into it without the awkward formalities. So no explaining why you’re looking for sex when you’re married or weed through all the profiles looking for serious monogamous relationships like on conventional dating apps.
Another good thing about these apps is that you’re often communicating with people who are experienced with swinging and already in the scene — they tend to know what they’re doing and the process for getting together. Everything is to the point. Through just a few chat exchanges you can really express what you’re looking for, what your limits are, and get a good feel as to whether someone(s) is a good match before meeting. If you’re just hunting muggles at a bar, you’re on your own in the wilds.
In our experience, Feeld is by far the best app for finding threesome partners. It was originally designed for couples looking to add a third in the bedroom but has grown into being a full-fledged swinging app. It’s basic — just profile pics and bios — and is full of bugs, but a critical mass of users are there, and for dating apps this all that matters. After years of using this app in NYC we have still not come to the end of it — each time we open it we’re given new profiles to browse.
Another good thing about Feeld is that you need to be connected with people first before you can message them, which means that in-demand individuals (otherwise known as women) don’t get buried in messages from under-qualified suitors or creeps. It also provides space for saying what you’re into in your bio, so if you’re looking for threesomes you can say this, as well as list the type that you’re after. There is no need to be shy about this — if you want a big, hung dude for an MFM, then say so; if you want a buxom bi zaftig for an FFM, then let this be known. Looking for a threesome partner isn’t like finding someone to date long-term, so feel free to shop discriminately and let your superficial tendencies flourish. This is ultimately recreation, so go for what you’re after.
While not an app (because it allows graphic nudity), FetLife is another good site to find partners for threesomes. It’s a complete social network devoted to swinging, BDSM, and just about any other forms of kink. In addition to your profile, where you can write an in-depth bio and upload pictures, videos, and writing, there’s also discussion groups which are built around certain kinks or geographic areas where you can publish or browse posts looking for sexual partners. It is also a really good place to virtually get to know others who are into the scene and build a little online community of those who are into the same things you are.
Like Feeld, there is a critical mass of users on FetLife and it’s easy to find people in your area. Unlike Feeld, you can send a message to anyone, so people with vaginas tend to get deluges of messages from men who don’t understand the proper protocols for respectfully contacting people for sex (however, you can block messages from people you haven’t yet friended). These random messages are sometimes beneficial, and I’ve hooked up or made friends with many people who’ve cold called me.
SLS (app) / Swinglifestyle.com (website) is one of the longest-running and largest online swinging communities. This place is everything swingers, any member can contact any other, and you can post “hot dates” (classifieds) to try to find the people you’re after. Just about every swinger everywhere is on this site. However, in our experience this app tends to have a bit of an older crowd, and I imagine that it could be of more use in smaller cities and more rural areas than it is in NYC, where other apps are more popular and there are plenty of clubs and parties to meet other swingers at.
The other apps listed above struggle in various ways. Most of them don’t have enough real users, some are packed with sex workers and scammers who pretend they like you but only want money, or have really askance architecture or high prices which makes it difficult to find and connect with the people you’re after. But your milage may vary, so try them out and let me know how you find them in the comments below.
Go to a swinger’s club or party
While we still use apps, our main way of finding other partners for threesomes is going to swinger’s clubs. We’re members of a few of them in NYC, and we tend to go around twice a month. These clubs are generally 65% social, 35% sexual, so you also do a lot of hanging out, meeting people, and talking in additional to having sex.
We find clubs to be way more expedient ways of finding partners — they’re kind of like skipping the preliminary texts and the challenges of scheduling and jumping right to the good stuff: meeting people who are ready to have sex. However, my wife and I have our systems down, we’re very experienced with this, and are comfortable making decisions on the fly. We’re cool with moving from hanging to banging in a short amount of time.
If you’re comfortable with this, then the sex clubs are the best places to find additional partners. Just scan the crowd, look for a male or female that you like, start a conversation with them, and ask if they’d be interested in going to a play area. People who go to these events are often very skilled at saying no, so don’t be upset if you get turned down — occasionally being rejected is just a part of the game.
That said, don’t be shy about saying no if you’re not sure about hooking up with someone, as if they’ve been in the scene for a while they’re probably totally cool with it.
One thing I don’t recommend is trying to plunk one half of a couple while eschewing the other half. So don’t try to snag some dude’s date and leave him in the dust. That’s just not cool.
Hunt in the wild
While the apps and erotic clubs are of course real life, they are both defined spaces that are created specially for non-monogamy and group sex, and the culture within their spheres is much different than outside of them, in what we call broader society. Looking for threesome partners in the muggle realm is both exciting and risky … and often doesn’t come with the same probability of success. People out there are not necessarily on the same page as you — in all likelihood they’re not — and they may be confused by your advances or even offended. But don’t let this discourage you. Part of the excitement of sex is the unpredictability, and stepping outside of the scripted confines of the sex scene can be absolutely exhilarating — risky, volatile, and surprising.
Once you find a potential third, a good way to offer a proposition is probably the simplest: “Have you ever had a threesome before?” Then follow that up with “Would you like to have one / another one?” It works.
What to do once you’ve found a threesome partner
Whether you’re meeting someone(s) for a threesome on an app, sex club, or in the wild, you’re going to want to have a brief conversation about expectations and limits. If you’re meeting on an app, it’s a really good idea to meet first at a public location like a bar or cafe to get a feel for each other.
Once face-to-face, it’s a good idea to ask questions like, “How long have you been doing this for?” “What are you into?”, “Is there anything that you don’t like?”, “Is there anything in particular that you’d like to do together?”, “What is your STD status?”, “Are you open to bi play?”
Everyone has their own style, and asking a few questions will give you a good idea of what you’re in for and will make the experience go smoother and often better. As with anything in swinging, communication is key.
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